Step One: Let Go

First and foremost, you need to let go of any bitterness, anger and resentment in your life. This may be the hardest step. You do this by taking care of you, which is ultimately what The Aspie Way is all about: making life better for you. You will be amazed how much better you feel once this step is accomplished.

Here are some ideas to get you started.

If you’ve been battling in your relationship long enough, there is a decent chance that you need professional help. See a therapist and/or a psychiatrist to help you rid yourself of the heavy burden of bitterness, anger and resentment. If you have these negative feelings from something other than your NT/AS relationship, work on resolving these issues so you don’t transfer your hard feelings onto your ASP.

Find support from people who understand. If you’re lucky enough to know other NTs who are with Aspies, then make a pact together to be hopeful and positive as you support each other. Or join an online support group. Or contact me, and we can email. Conversely, if you have people in your life who spew negativity all over you, then distance yourself from them.

Pamper yourself regularly. With life often being a whirlwind of activity, it is important for you to take time out for yourself. Exercise. Get a pedicure. See a sad movie and cry (crying releases chemicals that make you feel better), meditate, chill out with your favorite music, watch a sunrise/sunset, write in a journal, read a good book (anything but romance, which sets unrealistic expectations!), or indulge in anything else that you can safely do for you!

Along the way, work on dropping your expectations of your ASP. If you don’t expect anything, he can’t disappoint you, right? Take care of things as if you’re single. Once you stop expecting anything from him, many of the past hurts you carry should fall away.

Really process that ASP has a disability. Asperger’s or high functioning autism (HFA) is not just a bundle of bad behaviors bent on ruining your life (no matter how much they seem to!). It means that no matter what you do, he has to struggle every day just to function. Normal conversation to you is a marathon to him. Communication can be confusing or even painful. Nothing, except his special interest, is truly safe. Start thinking of how you would feel if you had his disabilities. Let compassion replace bitterness, anger, and resentment.

If you’re having trouble recognizing what is part of his disability and what isn’t, read all you can about the syndrome. If you know your ASP is a good guy who is otherwise healthy, then you can attribute most of his difficult behavior to the anxiety underneath his Asperger’s/HFA.

Remember the guy you fell in love with. He’s still in there! Throughout your journey with The Aspie Way, look for signs of this guy. Reconnect with him as you can.

As you free yourself from the heavy burden of bitterness, anger and resentment, move on to Appreciate His Gifts, part two of The Aspie Way, which I will post soon.


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